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We all woke up to a scream.
We were given the type of look one sees when they see a ghost. Kinda like hyper-attention deficit...hidden under layers of fear...after the scream; it was like we could simply read each others minds. We knew what we had to do to get from Grantham to Goldsboro in 15 minutes.
It was the first early morning in months that would take your breath away...so sticky, so hot, and foggy.
The quietest ride ever; no music, no talking, not even the white noise of a cracked window for cigarette smoke to escape. Shannon was in the back seat with Beecher, playing with his toes and making him smile, as he sat still in his car seat. I was in the front and scared, like I knew I had to catch my breath because I would be afraid of the answer..."Mama why are you driving so fast," I cautiously asked. She stared straight ahead with her hands trembling on the steering-wheel..she moved her mouth but there was no sound.
We came up the by-pass, to the on ramp...waiting to turn right and head to the service road in front of First PH Church...as she was turning the corner on to North Drive, single tears fell separately from both her tan cheeks...she took the deepest breath... as though she couldnt let it out quick enough....Shannon said to her "Aunt Judy your scaring me." she reached her hand back and rubbed Shannons knee...still no words passing her lips...
As we slowed down to turn right onto Dogwood St....She screamed again. The ambulance was backed into Papa and Mema's driveway, and a police car was on the curb....My mother ran into the house, Shannon was crying trying to get Beecher out of his seatbelt, a neighbor our family had known for years was under the carport, she took Beecher from Shannon, and hugged her....like everything was in slow motion, I took to steps up to the door, as I opened it...I heard the scariest scream come from Shannon...it pierced my heart...but I couldnt look back...i walked into the den, passed Papa's chair,,,WIERD I thought to myself...his cars outside, and so is Memas.....I passed the kitchen, and heard very faint whimpering....as I got down the hall, I had an amazing chill come over me, their bedroom door was pulled too, but not shut...i kept walking down to look for my Mema....I called out her name, she didnt answer...I called for Papa, I heard a cough come from his bedroom. As I got to the door and placed my palm on wood...I said "Mema must be with Mama....thats why we're here so early" and I pushed myself on through.
There was a police officer standing there with an EMT....Papa was sleeping. He was out from under the covers which was never heard of....Papa was a very modest man. I looked at the officer and smiled, I said, you guys should really come out of here since hes sleeping...and I reached for the covers and tucked him in up to his shoulders....I told the EMT he was really cold...and the officer put his arms around me and said "we need to let the EMT do his job now ok" I was a bit uncomfortable...and hadnt started putting things together yet...I asked him why they were not with my Mema, she had a cold last night at my graduation so they had to leave early, and since my mother wouldnt speak on the ride in, I just assumed that....The officer placed his hands gently on my shoulders as his lips tried to form a word...Chris Merritt came in behind me crying...he hugged me so tight....I panicked. "WHAT IS GOING ON? why is shannon and April crying? He's still in bed...OMG MEMA what happened to her Chris, Wheres my mema?" Chris held me tighter and Mema came up behind me..."she whispered Im right here darling.....Papa passed away this morning when I went to get his insulin".....I told her she was wrong, I just covered him up, and he was cold. She and Chris took me back into his room...
I leaned over his ear, and said "please wake up...We didnt take pictures last night....Im sorry..PLEASE WAKE UP...who am I gonna talk to now? huh? OPEN YOUR EYES PAPA....PLEASE PLEASE PAPA OPEN YOUR EYES"...I layed down beside him and pulled his lifeless arm over my shoulder...I told him I would be an eye dr, and make straight A's, and make my mama happy....and I recited:
You kept me grounded, made me laugh, and took away my pain
When I was confused on who i was, you said "live up to your first name."
When my daddy was gone, and new wasnt sure, you stepped in to fill that space
when I was sad or it was hard to be mad whenever I saw your face.
i promise to watch over her until you meet again,
I hope to grow to a strong adult with just as many friends.
I was taken into the dining room and the door was shut behind me, so that i would not have the image of him being wheeled down the hall by the EMTS.
I do not remember anything else til the day of the funeral. i dont remember who to thank for all the food I know was brought, who to thank for the constant clean up, who to thank for watching all my smaller cousins, who to thank for the clothes i wore (other than my mama), I dont remember if I smiled, I do remember hugging my Uncle Junebug as though I was going to break him in half, I remember Tears In Heaven, I remember the Scottish Rites from the Masons, and I remember there being standing room only at both funeral and burial, and praying that he raised me strong enough to be this loved when i pass away.
I pulled 52 pieces of rose petals off my rose, before i placed it in his final bed.....and i gave those petals to Mema...for the 52 years of wonderful marriage they shared together....and Kristen ran away....
HI, this one is sad to read, I apologize for that, yet I wrote it to remember bc it changed my life forever. We all have loved ones that pass, but when your not prepared, it stings so bad...I had so many questions left for him...I JUST GRADUATED! Luckily, i realized at 35 (better late than never)that I am very strong, and will come naturally as a nirturer.
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